Nine Shame-Shifting Exercises

copyright Claudia Gold 2013 “I have learned in recent years that my faults, the defects that keep me from creating the work I want to do, are not flaws or failures. They are wounds. The merest shift in the word shifts attitude. As failure, flaws, defects, I want to crush them underfoot, smash their noses in, impale their heads upon a pike and mount it on the tower wall. But this is my very soul I am impaling there, the essence of my heart. Block, the inability to proceed, signals not a defect but a wound exposed; and curiously in our wounds lie our divinity…healing comes from tenderness. Embrace the wounds, wash them, bandage them with loving care…”                                 … Continue reading

“We Are All From Boston” Blog By Esther Bradley-De Tally

I ate my first barbecued spear ribs near Boston.  I must have been 16 or 17,  and was visiting a friend from camp, Rickie who lived in Randolph.  We ate them in a car on a cobble stone road, and they were delicious.  Arriving back at her home I remember eating, as we did every midnight, from a square chocolate layer cake by Sara Lee and giggling together and reminiscing about when we got in trouble at summer camp for sneaking out and going to parties. I’ve only visited Boston that once, barely remember Harvard Square, and am unable to really take in the reality of what happened there recently – bombs at a running marathon?! People’s legs having to … Continue reading

That’s No Way to Treat Nice Boston Marathon Runners

                                copyright Claudia Gold 2013 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.                  -Psalm 91:11      My dad lived in Tarnobrzeg, Poland, until he was eight years old, and he was the youngest of 12 children.  One day he was out with his religious father. His father had a long beard, peyos, curls coming down from each side of his face, and tzizit, fringes of his prayer shawl, peeking out from underneath his black coat. I don’t what my father did, but it prompted his father to hit him. An old man with a long white beard came up to the father and said, “That’s no way to treat a nice Jewish … Continue reading

Dancing in Mom’s Purple Birkenstocks

copyright Claudia Gold 2013       Happy Mother’s Day in advance, and we really were good enough parents, because otherwise we were not good enough, which simply isn’t an option for this impossible task!      I’ve believed, at least subconsciously, I confess, that our parents are, if not solely, largely responsible for our….”challenges” in life.  In other words, I have blamed my parents for my faults (what faults?!) – particularly my mother.  My studies in psychology and child development at Columbia University as part of training to become a social worker reinforced this convenient opinion.      So did various therapies I’ve been involved with, including the FIscher-Hoffman group therapy session (at the church in Berkeley) where we  beat pillows with all … Continue reading

Thankful Thighs

Since I was eight or so, I received messages to be thin, thin, thin.  And I was thin. Twice in my life. Once when I was 11 and once when I was fifty something. I remember when I was eight, my mother walking me into the Chubby Section at Gimbel’s. There was such a fuzzy, awful feeling that I was surrounded in as we looked at the dresses on the rack and the tags with the special sizes on them (I don’t think I’ve yet recovered from it, it is so shadowy to write about). From there it was drinking chocolate Metrecal when I was 11, to eating slightly bitter chocolate chip cookies on the cookie diet when I was … Continue reading

Fat, I Mean Extravagantly Built Cat

by Claudia Gold c 2013 www.shameintojoy.com As my fat, I mean extravagantly built, cat sits in my lap waiting for more action = petting, and as her little claws stick into my thigh, and I keep moving them but they still stick, and I pad my lap with a cloth wallet, and it’s better, I want to share a moment, in a twelve minute written blogpost: So my annoying, I mean understanding and asking for her needs, cat was under my desk, rubbing up against me for the fiftieth time, while I’m trying to post my blog on my facebook page, “Shame into Joy”. A tad sensitized by teaching a class about conversing with your body to understand its needs … Continue reading

Claudia Gold and the Mango Factory

                           by You Know Who, copyright 2013 www.shameintojoy.com Little things mean a lot to me.  Here as I sit in this padded, woolen, big chair which vibrates massage when I press the right button, I hear thoughts for what to write about.  I could, for instance, write about the little piece of mango that gave me everything I always wanted. I would be thrilled to love up the mango consortium by doing this. It all started when I was a little mango. Just kidding.  It started when  Lianda Ludwig and I commented on each other’s blogs, and we spoke on the phone.  Lianda was passionate about food being … Continue reading

Fat or Prolific?

My brain has just watched a couple hundred posts on facebook trying to find THIS one from yesterday from Kathleen Prophet of “Unleash Your Sacred Wild Creative Genius.” It started like this: Do not ignore the whirling mass of darkness within the core of your Psyche. It IS real… and will project itself onto the theatre of your life in a myriad of ways. Its power is great and overwhelming. It shows up in your emotions through uncontrolled rage or passivity, depression, denial, loss of vitality and joy…” Denial as darkness? Denial as part of “the whirling mass of darkness”?! I, sort of jokingly posted, asking her to remove the the mention of denial, told her my denial likes to … Continue reading